What a whirlwind these months have been! From the varied and frustrating trips to so many M.D.’s trying to ascertain why JoAnne was “breaking down,” through the intensity of the parish Lenten program (which is a great joy but always intellectually demanding to put together), through the end of the Confirmation program with this fantastic fearsome foursome with whom I met and taught over the months, through all the planning and prep and execution of Holy Week liturgies, through JoAnne’s surgery, missteps through recovery and now finally the move from rectory A to rectory B (with all the prep and stress that comes with that).
So what is God teaching me through all this chaos? I who love to be in control and have things planned out weeks in advance must now react from moment to moment to answer a need. My mind still thinks I am 25; my body scoffs at this! I must spend time consoling Abby who doesn’t react to “change” in her life very well at all and thus proving that her breed of Border Collies – stemming from the England/Scotland border – are full blooded Anglicans who react with a howling “…but we never did it this way before!”
I’ve learned that one can lose a loved one in the blink of an eye despite all the best intentions to take away pain. I am learning how frail we all are and how time forgives us not. I find that I don’t miss TV or talk radio in the least, and I used to be an avid political and sports junkie. I am learning how to be gracious in receiving the generosity of others, and admitting to self: “Self, you cannot do this alone.” It may not take a village, but it certainly takes a parish. And of course I have re-learned that waiting around on uncomfortable chairs while your beloved does P.T. makes you feel as useless as a headache.
I have been taught these months that God is in control, not me. And the Lord will continue to teach me over and over and over until I get it.